couch to… something.

Here are the facts:

1. I am overweight.
2. While I do not need to be skinny to have the career I want to have, I do need to be in much, much better shape.
3. I hate dieting.
4. I hate exercise.

So. Because modern medical science has yet to invent even one single way to make us all thin overnight (stupid modern medical science), I realized that I would have to decide which I hated the tiniest bit less than the other: dieting, or exercising.

Which is how Couch to 5K came into my life. Because my hatred of dieiting is unabated. It’s like a black hole. Nothing escapes it. There is not one single glimmer of light there.

I mean, I still hate exercise. I do not understand how so many people can spend hours involved in an activity which precludes multi-tasking without avoiding the sheer boredom that makes my brains fall out of my ears every time I try to start a regular walking regimen. From the moment I step outside, all I can think about is how long it will be before I get to go back inside.

It’s a terrible attitude, I know. Since I have started the C25K program, about two weeks ago, I have walked in nothing but sunny autumn days, warm but breezy. I don’t have to squeeze it in around a work schedule. I live in a truly picturesque, walkable neighborhood. They could shoot commercials with someone coming out of my house all caffeinated and energized and happy to be alive and ready to exercise!

When I walk out of the house to exercise, I’m usually muttering, Okay, FINE. Here I fucking go. Fuck.

Anyway. Since I don’t run, because that would be laughable, I have been doing intervals of leisurely strolling and something resembling a power walk. I’m also only doing Week 1 Day 1, maybe forever, I don’t know. A 5K is not my particular goal. I also have no idea how far I’m actually going, but I can tell my pace is increasing in spite of myself, because I walk the same route and every day, I’m getting a little farther.

The C25K app is really helpful. You load it up with songs to play while you’re walking, and it gives you voice prompts over the music about when you should “run” and when you should walk. It even gives you a “halfway done” prompt so you can shout Finally! and turn around. I’m engaged in a rather foolish attempt to never hear the same song twice, so after every walk, I delete the songs I heard out of the app and pop new ones in.

I do it every other day. Today was my 7th time.

In all seriousness, I know this is good for me. I have been incredibly lucky so far, skating through 38 years with no serious physical health problems. The fact that I am not pre-diabetic has got to be some sort of genetic miracle, and I know that every year that goes by, I’m taking a bigger and bigger chance in the face of all kinds of diseases by staying at this rather elevated weight.

So I’m walking, and intermittently walking faster. But beyond “Stop eating crap,” I’m not dieting. I try to make good choices, and I won’t bring ice cream or Golden Oreos into the house. That’s about it. We’ll see how it goes.

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